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The Desister Experience

There are many factors that influence desistance from a transgender identity. It is often a two-steps forward, one step back process, and sometimes includes periods of “boomeranging” into and out of the identity. Desistance can be difficult. Desisters must come to terms with difficulties in their life that may have precipitated the adoption of the transgender identity. It might require a painful separation from friends or other influences. Desisters might have to deal with feelings of embarrassment or regret. Some desisters express having difficulty trusting, after feeling betrayed and let down by those they thought they could trust. Desisters may not want to openly talk about their experience. Many just want to quietly get on with their lives. Desisters need understanding and compassion.

Why I Took on A Trans Identity

  • As an autistic person I always feel a bit disconnected from the world anyway. I felt disconnected from my body, and it felt like a disgusting flesh prison and I could punish or do anything I wanted to it because it wasn’t really me.
  • I became trans to escape reality and all my problems but being in the trans cult is like living in a parallel world of horror and fear.
  • I took on the trans identity because I was lonely and wanted to be part of a loving community - I found it through Tiktok.
  • I liked lesbian porn and rom-coms.
  • Being a girl was a daily unbearable nightmare. I hated everything about being a girl and worshipped anything male. From boy toys to facial hair to not needing a bra to standing to pee, it was all admirable and enviable to me.
  • I felt that becoming the man that I was adamant I was, would liberate me from "the wrong" body I believed I was entrapped in  and most certainly bring me the peace and happiness I was longing for.
  • I wish my doctor had just said it's ok to be gay and it's ok to be uncomfortable with puberty instead of saying…"you are trans and your brain doesn’t match your body. We have medication for that."
  • I was in so much pain and thought transitioning would help.
  • I was experiencing normal body image issues which I outgrew. 
  • ​I was with that group of people (friends from GSA) and I thought well, look at them, they seem like they are happy, maybe if I keep pushing through I’ll feel better.
  • I hated myself, I didn't want to grow up, and I felt disgusting.
  • I didn’t want my body to change and become a woman. I felt fat because of my developing body.
  • I was embarrassed by my sexuality and was too naive to understand that women don't come in one shape and size.

Why I Changed My Mind

  • I changed my mind because I learned that going through medical transition can make my mental health worse, and I won't be able to explore my femininity. I found out that this is a cult. And I really want kids, biological ones.
  • I was exhausted and grew frustrated from constantly trying so hard to be the boy I so badly wanted to be (and actually pass as such), while it came effortlessly to the real boys. Fighting against nature felt like a never ending battle that I felt I would never win and it was starting to take a toll on my health, both physically and mentally.
  • Realizing my family--and God--needed me made me want to accept reality, as hard as it was at first.

Mental Health

  • My mental health was okay before my trans phase, terrible during the trans phase (I was suicidal, depressed, anxious), now that I'm out of it everything has gotten a lot better, not perfect yet, but still huge progress.
  • ​After an initial blissful honeymoon phase when all seemed pink and rosy and felt good, I started struggling as biological realities and life difficulties turned my best efforts at being my so called "true self" into a bottomless hell and my mental health severely and rapidly deteriorated. It's only after I reconciled with my body and accepted myself for my true "true self", a girl, that I was able to find lasting peace and authentic joy. 
  • ​Despite having depersonalization and depression from my years being trans-identified, life is great and I'm grateful for every day I get to spend on this wonderful Earth.
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